kannamma's volatile desire...

all these petty desires
which keep me up nights
torment my mind
cloud my perception
if added up..
they are sand
falling through open fingers
leaving just residual dust
dust which wants to be
washed off
no weight
no substance
no satisfaction
not even the beauty
of the petal of a flower...
just the feeling of being off
needing to be set right
dust, dust...
when added together
and examined
like this, i see...
but alone..like that...
that which is of
utmost concern
of immediate need
obstructing all else...
just that, that only
if only
that is achieved,
received, reached,
oh! what is this illusion
that grips me so fiercely...
let me free!
how many times
failing, failing?
how many times?
and , i have to continue
knowing i'm failing
and will fail again
and again
i am not even equipped
to not fail
and set myself free
but,
still have to try,
strive...
what else could i do?
except distract in
these illusions
and that anyway happens
and the sand falls
and the dust wants washing