kannamma's fabric fall

i want to rest, relax
on the fabric of life
and there build my world
with rules and promises
achievements and security
imaginary all
but such firm illusions
i could forget and feel
the fabric solid
but its not meant for me
to rest there
and it keeps breaking..
so that i fall...
and in falling
swing between two extremes....
letting it be and
accepting the fall,
laughing to see
the comedy of all
the false layers i have built
and breathed false life into
now flying past
in meaningless flashes
like passing images
on television
before disappearing
to be forever
forgotten in
their insignificance....
and becoming frantic
grasping out in
desperation for
the tatters of layers
of torn fabric
through which i fall
grasping for something
or for someone
to catch me and stop
the chaos i experience
as my worlds disintegrate
grasping for
the imaginary stability
which gives
imaginary comfort
grasping with face stained
in tears and breathe ragged
but this fall
is it to
a greater depth of understanding?
or depth of deception?
to more profound beauty?
or profound failure?
the difference between
depending only on
how i view it
or on the truth
whether i see it or not?
or is there a difference?
and either way
do i really want to
rest stationary?
stagnant?
...
..
i choose falling...
...